About
A very skilled doctor with warm hands was the first person to hold me on February 4th 1986, while I screamed profusely about the fact that oxygen was flowing into my lungs. It has now been many years since that day, and I still find myself screaming over the harsh reality that is: air… at least every once in a while.
I have since then moved around quite a bit, never staying put in one place very long has allowed me to hone my skills at being a magical wizard. I would practice on a daily basis; my wizard magic, on the family computer. My mother would often complain that we couldn’t use the phone but that mattered not to me! I was learning how to cast level 8 Chain Lightning!!
I, the Great Blue Wizard Joe, learned later that I was limited by the efficiency of my tome of spells. At the age of 11 I discarded The Ancient book of AOL from my life forever and walked the righteous path known as newsgroups. While studying the Brilliant Tome of alt.2600 I found a map which brought me to the far away mystical land of IRC. With the Internet still in its infancy I took off on my journey through the hills of IRC. It was a peaceful time, devoid of myspaces and instant messengers.
I met other like minded folk in the influential providence of dalnet. We would all sit in burrows till the wee hours playing magical games… such as Magic: The Gathering. It was within the realm of IRC that I first learned about scripting, a skill that every wizard should know!
IRC scripting was a fascinating thing to me when I first found out about it. A difficult concept for a 12 year old wizard indeed! Time passed and I had decided to venture out in search of a new wand. After getting lost in the treacherous forest of Windows 98 I found the perfect staff for an amateur wizard! A 300 MHZ Celeron Wand! And on the ground next to it was 128 MB of RAM! (the legal tender in the land of Internets) Oh, my lucky stars! I traveled back to the land of IRC a new wizard. I then learned of a new game that the young wizard apprentices played called Quake. I let my wizard studies fall by the wayside and forgot all about IRC scripting while allowing myself to get lost in the alternate reality that is the Quake 1 Universe.
Eventually I pulled myself out of the grips of that dimension and came back to IRC, my humble home land had been left untarnished. However, I was beginning to see other neighboring villages decay from the influx of AOL users and multimedia PCs. As dark and dismal as the horizon to the east looked, a bright and prosperous future was just ahead!
The strongest barbarian in the land; who was the brother of one of the smarter wizards that I studied with, introduced me to a new game that I first scoffed at… It was called Unreal Tournament. At first, I thought little of this game, even when the barbarian had the nerve to compare it to my precious quake! One day while the three of us were traveling through the marshes the barbarian turned to me and said “I only have 5 minutes left on that comp, you should play that game before he kicks me off.” Being an open minded wizard I figured, ‘why not?’ Little did I know this would be the catalyst in the potion that propelled me to becoming The Infamous Turquoise Wizard Joe.
I got sucked into the Unreal universe instantly. It was such an amazing place! I could even communicate with my loved ones in the land of IRC while in the parallel universe through the use of a magic orb! By now I had become a pretty adept wizard and knew my way around the ether and had studied my spells well. I dove into the Unreal universe head first and found amazing things such as the scribed words of UnrealScript hidden inside the churches of the respective towns. I found that if I spoke the magical passages that it would affect the world around me! Such great power was bestowed upon me in this universe that I almost found it hard to go back to mine! I began to make up my own passages, puzzle piecing together the archaic language and learning by trial and error. The results were tremendous! After spending a year in this amazing place I did the impossible. I opened a rift between the Unreal universe and my own!! I created a new wand with a curved top which I named; Hook Wand.
The hook wand had access to powers unparalleled, it changed everything. The universe around me became bendable to my will alone. My name was spread by messengers throughout the lands and many young disciples came to me for study so as to learn how to use my creation.
One day after many years of wizardly study, I woke up from a stroke of genius, I knew what I had to do. I pulled out my trusty old tome of newsgroups and permanently transformed myself into a broom. I have since then found my true calling as a great blue broom.